Child Molestation Effects on Relationships
How Can You Overcome Them?
There are molestation effects that are suffered by all victims of child molestation, and for most they are long-term effects. The effects on relationships is one of these problems. Many of these effects will be shared by other victims in the same situation.
Even though the same effects may be shared, the symptoms may vary, as we are all different. Whilst one victim may be able to get through life and function without too many problems, others suffer severely especially in their relationships or friendship, that's if they manage to have one.
Is it Possible to Have Healthy Relationships and Friendships After Child Molestation?
This is one of the most common problems associated with child molestation. Relationships of any kind are hard to maintain especially once you become an adult. If you are a victim of child sexual abuse, and you have managed to maintain a healthy relationship or friendship, then you are one of the few.
In most cases friendships come and go, it is part and parcel of the effects of molestation. You may not even question it. Do you find yourself very friendly with someone only to let the friendship peter out?
Most victims find that they are never really sure where they stand with people and this includes family, parents and siblings. This stems from a fear of rejection and confusion as to what actually constitutes a relationship. Being used is seen as a part of normality in relationships, so it becomes expected even when it is not so. Your instincts are to protect yourself from rejection or being used before it happens, so you cut the relationship off before you get hurt.
If you are in a marriage or intimate relationship, you may find yourself continually questioning how your partner feels about you. Trust and intimacy are generally a major issue. You can however have a rewarding relationship and this site will do its best to show you how.
Relationships and Affection with Family
Another of the molestation effects with relationships, is the many emotions that come into play for child molestation victims. This includes the ability to deal with your own feelings. You may find yourself lacking in self-confidence and find it very hard to deal with affection whether it be giving or receiving. You are never sure if the affection is going to be reciprocated or shunned or if there is a cost associated with it.
With people you are intimate with, spouse/partner and children, it will not be as severe, although there will be days you won't be as affectionate or feel as close. In fact some days you may feel quite distant and may not even realize. Periods of feeling lost and alone are not uncommon.
There are times when your lack of affection has nothing to do with self-confidence and everything to do with not wanting to be touched.
This is generally where other people are concerned. Where your spouse/partner and children are concerned, you can over-ride these feelings a lot of the time. There will be times when you feel affectionate and are not adverse to touching or being touched or hugged by others.
If you explain how you feel to your spouse/partner they can help you deal with it. You can work on it together making your relationship stronger and more loving. Do they know you are a victim of child molestation? If not it could be a whole new ball game.
Flashbacks During Intimate Moments
Where your intimate partner is concerned, you may experience flashbacks during intimate moments and these can both ruin the mood and cause a large rift between the two of you, if they occur on a regular basis.
Understand that this person is not the person who abused you. If your partner is understanding, explain to them what you see and how you feel. Sometimes, waiting and talking for half an hour can be all that is needed to get the mood right again. This will be hard on your partner at first. It's not easy for a sexual partner to hear these things.
Don't End Up in A Sexless Marriage
If you don't work this problem out you can end up like so many others, who have been sexually abused, in a sexless marriage. This is the last thing either of you want as it can be the slow death of your relationship.
Don't Let Your Molestation Effects Come Between You & Your Children
Where your children are concerned, you need to be careful you are not pushing them away. The last thing you want is for them to feel unloved by you.
Sometimes you need to push past the emotions and show affection to them, even if you have to feign it at times. You need to try to develop a loving and lasting relationship with them. Do not pass on your problems to your children, or you risk repeating the cycle of emotional problems in them.
Relationship and Affection With Others
Where other people are concerned, don't worry about it. Some days you'll probably find you keep your distance and shudder at the mere thought that they may touch you. At times bordering on disgust even though there is nothing sexual about it.
If you can tolerate their affection for the short duration, then do so. If not, then keep your distance, explain there are times you don't like to be touched if you want. Otherwise just avoid it where you can. Whilst a relationship is nice it is not have to include unwanted affection. By realising that the effects of molestation are what is generally causing this, it can help you.
There will come a time when it won't worry you too much to show affection or have it shown. This is when you work through the effects of being a child molestation victim and becoming a survivor. You will go from victim to victor and even though your past will always be with you and a part of who you are, it will be a strengthening and uplifting part.
These Feelings are Natural For Victims of Child Molestation
It is not hard to understand these feelings as they were ingrained into you as a child. There are conflicting emotions and feeling going on inside you. At these times your mind gets confused between affection and sexual touching, even though you on a conscious level know the difference.
Our mind sometimes screws things up for us and we feel emotions we'd rather not. The molestation effects can be extremely strong.
Assertiveness Does Not Come Easy
Another effect that many victims of child sex abuse suffer, is difficulty in displaying assertiveness. Being walked all over is a common trait. If you suffer this effect, then no matter how much you try to stand up for yourself, you can't.
Generally its because you don't want to hurt others feelings, even though they have no problems hurting yours. It also comes down to rejection and how they perceive you. This is a byproduct of child molestation, as any attempt to stand up for yourself would have been squashed by your abuser. If you had a particularly manipulative abuser, you may even have felt sorry for them and done your best to protect them and their feelings. This generally happens when you've been molested by your father or mother.
You then have the other end of the scale where some victims have broken free from this restraint, or maybe never were affected in this way. They have developed the ability to be quite nasty, to say and do things that are beyond what is acceptable behavior.
There are many behaviors that are far from healthy that you will have adopted. Some victims will be aggressive, whilst others will be withdrawn. In some cases both of these emotions are displayed and have a see-saw effect.
Communication Is A Must For Any Relationship
Communication is a necessary part of any relationship. Unfortunately it is something a victim will have difficulty with. They are so used to keeping feelings to themselves, (more to the point hiding them,) as a child, that they no longer have any idea how to express them. Is this a problem you have?
We'll be discussing this in depth very soon as our aim to give you as much help as we can. We want you to become a true survivor and victor rather than a victim. You'll receive much help in dealing with the emotions and effects you suffer as a child molestation survivor.
If you know some one who is suffering from the effects of molestation direct them to this site, so they too can get the help they need.