Can You Heal After Childhood Sexual Abuse - Part 3
There are several things that can help you on your way to recovery. They won't be easy, but they are necessary.
Acknowledging The Abuse
To recover from child sexual abuse it is necessary that the abused acknowledge the abuse. This is not easy, as no one wants to remember what they've been through. This is especially the case where incest is involved and the abused wants to continue a relationship with their family.
For the most part unless there have been buried memories, a survivor of molestation will remember their abuse.
Talking About Your Feelings
Talking about ones abuse in also extremely important for recovery. Whilst one can remember that they were abused, there are details that surface which need to be talked about. If you are in this position, it doesn't mean you need to try and remember everything, but as they surface, talk about them, don't shove them back down. This is unhealthy for your body and mind.
The more you talk about the abuse the more it will lose its power over you. Talking over your feelings is one of the most important, probably THE most important aspect of your recovery process. Choose who you talk to wisely. the last thing you want is your intimate details being talked about between your friends or family.
This is particularly difficult when incest is involved. Family may already know, and if they are not supportive of you, then they may already be talking about you which does not help your recovery. It does though help to drive the wedge in deeper between you.
If you are in this position than you may need to think about whether you really want to be associating with these family members. Do they blame you for speaking out against a loved one? Do they feel you have lied by accusing your abuser? Did your other parent support you, or did they turn a blind eye? Did they take the side of the abuser? It is possible you have forgiven them, but is all as it should be? If you find that this is the situation you are in, then you may want to think about what is necessary for your recovery. You may find you are better off without them, however this is a choice you need to make.
Child Sexual Abuse
This may also be the case with non incestuous situations, as your family may not want to acknowledge the shame abuse brings on the family. Or it may be a step father/mother and the other parent does not want to acknowledge or admit this happened, usually for selfish reasons. There may be other reasons they have not supported you, only you know them and you can make the decision to continue to associate with them or to have a clean break and get on with your life and recovery.
Is Grieving Necessary
Grieving is a natural part of recovery in any pain or hurt you go through. With the trauma and effects that come with child sexual abuse, how much more is grieving necessary for healing. You may find yourself crying for what you think is no reason, but your mind is constantly under stress from the effects of what you have been through. Whether you are male or female there is no shame in grieving.
Guilt and Shame
Most victims suffer from guilt and shame, even though they have no reason to feel these emotions. It may be that your body betrayed you, however you need to realise you had no control over the automatic responses of your body.
What has happened is not their fault. If you have gone through childhood abuse you need to understand this and admit it to yourself. There are times when even though we know this, we don't really believe it.
You have done nothing wrong, the abuser on the other hand has done everything wrong. They are the ones who have used coercion, threats, persuasion, bribery and other means to get what they wanted. You were the innocent child, and it was not your fault.
Those that have not supported and helped you through your trauma and the effects that sexual abuse has brought you, also bear a large part in a great wrong against you. Put the blame where it lies. You do not need to feel guilt or shame.
Recovery can be yours after child sexual molestation, and you can lead a happy and fulfilling life.