Dealing With A Relationship Partner Who Is A Child Molester
What exactly does one mean by the above. There are many ways we can interpret this query. We will cover several basis.
If your partner is a child molester, then one would assume you have;
- Only just found out, or
- Found out previously and chosen to stay with them.
If you have only just found out, the emotions this knowledge evokes in you will cause you pain. You also have a couple of decisions you need to make.
Is There Evidence?
Firstly, do you have evidence or is it just a hunch. If you only suspect then you might want to do some investigating. Why do you think so? Has someone said something? Or do you suspect your child is being abused? You do not want to falsely accuse someone of child sexual abuse.
You Have Evidence
If your partner is abusing or has abused your child, the biggest thing you need to worry about is getting your child far from the abuser. You need to cope with your child needs and get them the help they require to recover from their abuse. Be loving, nurturing and supportive.
They will have a rewarding life into and through adulthood if you can help them heal during childhood. If you don't they will be on the road to long term effects of childhood sexual abuse.
If you are still living with your partner, then you need to ask yourself why. Is it the security? Do you think you can protect your child from further abuse now that you are aware of it? Do not think life will be easier if you pretend the child molestation did not happen. Whether you stay or leave, you will need to cope with the emotional effects it brings.
Understand also that later, as the child attempts to reconcile your staying with the abuser, they will believe that you approved of the behavior at least tacitly. They will take from it that your loyalty is divided and that your protection of them comes at a cost. This will give them a large amount of guilt.
If you are sure your partner is abusing other children, a call to the police would be in order. You don't want to be responsible for any more children being sexually abused. Think too, that if the abuser is finally caught without your help, people may accuse you of protecting them, putting you in a precarious position.
Your life will change, it will be hard but you can do it, especially if you have children. You do not want them anywhere near a child molester, so you need to find somewhere else to live.
If your child has been sexually abused then you need to see a lawyer who will help and advise you. They will ensure the abuser has no chance of having any custody of your child at all.
Coping with The Trauma
Yes it is extremely difficult to become aware that your partner molests children. You have lived with them, shared much with them, and been intimate with them. This may be one of the hardest things to cope with, realizing your partner has sexual preferences that are abnormal.
You will have very traumatic days, you will cry, you may scream, you may even wish you could use violence on them. However as time passes you will cope. The thoughts that you have wasted your life on a child molester will cause you great anguish. Time will help you heal.
Talking about it is the best thing you can do. Choose a trusted friend, or family member, or see a therapist. They will help you through the hard part and you will recover and move on with your life. Eventually it will become as if it were a bad dream.
If you choose to leave your partner, you can take comfort in the knowledge that you did the right thing. There are many who stay with a child molester, knowing what he has done. They will put the blame elsewhere, otherwise they will not be able to deal with the fact that their partner is an abuser.
Do not let this experience wreck your life. You can trust others... not all partners will be like this.