What Goes on in The Mind of a Child Molestation Victim
There are children of all ages in every country that are dealing with child molestation every day. No socio economic class is more affected than another.
First Understand the Perpetrator
The abuser has no problems with abusing, nor does he care what the outcome will be for the child. He knows that if he gets caught he will be in a great deal of problems. To him though the risk is worth it.
He is sure that he has the child under control and that the child will be quiet. He has ensured this either with threats, or if he is close to the child, with bribes and coercion. The thought that the child will one day become an adult is something too far into the future for him to worry about.
Deception and Escapism
The child lives a life of deception and generally tries to find ways of escapism. He/she doesn’t lie outright, they are never usually asked any questions. They live in fear that someone may guess what is going on and try to live their life normally.
As strange as it may sound to someone who has no experience in this, the child’s guilt is intense and stifling. It is likely that the child feels even more guilty than the person perpetrating the act. This guilt can manifest in many ways. Firstly, there is usually a noticeable withdrawal from social contact with peers.
They start to see things in starkly black and white, but offer many excuses both for themselves and others. This excusing is really a desperate plea from the child for forgiveness for what they perceive as “their” crime. The perpetrator has done his best to make sure the child thinks they are in this together, that they have to stick together.
Molesters Partner Is A Threat
If the molester is in a relationship, the child will view and act towards the partner as an opponent. The relationship between the child and the molesters partner will often suddenly change as a result. The child has no idea this is happening other than feeling the partner is a threat.
Whilst you may think that the child will show hatred and intense dislike for their abuser, there are actually conflicting emotions, especially if they are a family member or a close family friend. This is made even more exaggerated by it’s similarity to the Stockholm Syndrome.
As these children grow up, they become more and more confused and guilt ridden even though the abuse may have stopped. They desperately want to tell someone, only they know they can not. There are several reasons for this.
- When they were younger they may have tried to tell their mother, only to have them silenced.
- If the child tried to tell someone else about the sexual abuse and was not believed it will have the same effect. Why would someone else believe them, if the person they told thought they were lying, they will not risk telling anyone else.
- As the child is becoming an adult, the guilt factor is now so strong, they want to just put the whole experience behind them and hope it goes away. Only it does not, it just becomes stronger and eats them up inside.
If the abuser is the father/stepfather, the mother very rarely wants to know, as not only will her relationship be shattered, her security will also crumble around her. This can not be allowed, so once again the child is thrown into silence.
Knowing that the one person who was supposed to help had refused, the child now knows, in their mind, that finding help elsewhere is pointless.
(It is possible that the mother even helped with the abuse, or the mother herself was the abuser.)
You can never begin to truly understand what goes on inside the mind of a victim.
This is however, the beginning of a traumatic life of a child molestation victim. The effects on an adult presents itself in many ways that make life unbearable for the majority.